The German philosopher Schopenhauer wrote that there are two kinds of people in this world – those that think there are two kinds of people in this world and those that do not.  You may be thinking while reading this, “wait, what?”

This quote reminds me of how we try to grasp onto dualities to make sense of our lives.  Good versus bad, dark versus light, open or closed, hard and soft, top or bottom, hairy or smooth – these distinctions serve us in one sense by helping to define and demarcate our place and our boundaries yet, developmentally, it a young way to view the world.  Imagine a small infant, learning more about the world with every moment – the concept of dualities helps them discover me/not me, a fundamental shift from the oneness of the mother/child bond.

Later as the child grows, this conceptual way of thinking about the world will even show up in their play: cowboys and Indians, even competitive team sports where there is only one winner and one loser.  As adults, one can see this dualistic thinking in politics, law enforcement and the whole judicial system, especially in the business world however it can only take us so far.  This perspective serves to lock us into seeing the world in one way, a limited point of view. Michael Mahoney, in his book Constructive Psychotherapy calls seeing the world through a dualistic lens as a Core Ordering Process, operating at just below our level of awareness.

If you watch any TV series, like Heroes or even a soup opera like Days of our Lives, you will quickly notice that things are really grey, not black and white as we so often crave.  We come to despise or hate a character, often vehemently so, and then we learn that this person has a back story, is very different and often, against our best judgment, we may even begin to (gasp!) feel compassion for this character.  This is what draws us in, captivates us, makes us want to tune in next week – and here’s why:  Black and white thinking is rigid and predictable (not making for good TV) while human beings are far from that.  A dualistic way of perceiving our lives limits us, holds us back from seeing all that we are and all that we could be.  We are multidimensional beings just like our emotions.  In any one hour we may feel sad, angry, peaceful, and annoyed.  We are fluid and much, much more than these dualities.

Buddhists have a saying that there are no good days or bad days – there are just days.  This means that it is our egos that try to grasp onto something to give life meaning, only seeing a life through the lens of dualities holds us back from living our life fully.  This filter is like looking through binoculars – we only have a narrow field of vision.  The next time you catch yourself having a strong reaction to something or someone, try asking yourself if you are coming from a place of either/or.  You may find your heart begin to open and your body soften, opening the gates of your consciousness, allowing a more balanced point of view to emerge.